"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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