On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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