alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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