I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
