I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
