wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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