Your mouth is God's brothel.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
