It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
