If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
