how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
