It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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