Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
