Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The uberlube is also flammable
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize