drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
