who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
