You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
