Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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