he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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