my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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