I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
