I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
