If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
