I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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