Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
