What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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