Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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