So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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