He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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