I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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