Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
