your thong is hanging out like whoa
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
