Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
