oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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