my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
