oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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