Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
