Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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