i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
