I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
