R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
