Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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