Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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