U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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