Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
