oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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