i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
