Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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