I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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