I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
