my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
