Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
