The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
