Im at strip club and am horny
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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