Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
God I need to hump something, right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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