so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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