I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
