i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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