Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
