i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
