Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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