i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
