Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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