false alarm. still invincible.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
