we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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