My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I FOUND THE LEGS
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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