and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
