And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize