Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
