No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i think i have two assholes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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